did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
