when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
