Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
