i think i have herpe
just one?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
