Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
