i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
