I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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