Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
