glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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