so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
