Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
