can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have feelings that need drinking.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
