A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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