I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize