I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize