You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
