cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
