So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My balls are so social today.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
