its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
