If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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