i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
