i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
