Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
