hell yes lets make some ravioli
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
