Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
