There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
