Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
