Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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