What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
