Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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