I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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