Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
