I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
