i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
