So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
3 2 1 whiskey
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
