weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize