I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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