Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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