I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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