And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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