is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
