a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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