Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
