you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize