I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
