dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
