I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
