God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
