He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
