i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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