thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
