lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
