you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
