i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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