Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
