i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my poor anus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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