actually, I'm a sock model
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
