how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize