I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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