Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
