3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
