Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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