that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
