Kiss
Puke
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
