I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
