you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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