Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
