summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
