I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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