But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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