When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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