u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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