He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
