Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
