The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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