my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
