im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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