i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
